Everything you ever wanted to know about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy....
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
You may have heard about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy before, but what is the approach founded on?
The foundation of cognitive behavioral therapy is based in the idea that we have consciously accessible cognitive schemas in which all information is interpreted and processed, which then influences how we think and behave. Often times, though, these schemas can be skewed or distorted which leads us to interpret situations negatively. This causes distress and frustration and is often the root of many mental illnesses.
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The therapist often gives clients tasks to challenge these skewed beliefs to help them identify their own irrational thoughts and prove them wrong. This type of therapy is most useful for those dealing with psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, and sexual disorders, as these often result from distorted thinking that turn into habitual patterns. By challenging the client to face these, they begin to discern between these thoughts and the realities of the situation. They are taught to observe and recognize their own beliefs, which allows them to debunk the negative schemas that once controlled their thought patterns.
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When was the last time you did an action without having a thought about it? That’s right.. NEVER! This is because our actions are controlled by our thoughts. Whether the thought is “drink some water” or “go downstairs for dinner” it is impossible to voluntarily act without having a conscious or subconscious thought. It’s no surprise then, that what we think affects how we act and feel, what we do affects how we think and feel, and what we feel affects what we think and do! Thus, when one of these is out of line, it throws our whole psyche and all of our actions out of line as well. We are beings with the ability to have conscious thought and complex feelings, and because of that we are able to act in specific ways. While it is a blessing to have these abilities, it is also a curse when our own psyche can turn on us and influence all other aspects of our lives. This is why it is important to recognize and change these patterns into ones that are healthy and beneficial for us.
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Cognitive distortions are thought patterns that seem rational and accurate, but in reality, are very damaging to healthy thinking and self-esteem. It is easy to trust everything that our brain tells us, as it has been wired to warn us of danger, attract us to mates, and solve the problems that we face every day. Sometimes, though, our brains develop unhealthy connections between experiences and thoughts that are not always entirely true, causing distortions. Failing to recognize and work through these distortions can lead to anxiety and depression and be extremely harmful to your mental health and the way you view the world.
Now that you understand what a cognitive distortion is, let’s take a look at 16 distortions that people commonly struggle with: arbitrary inference, selective abstraction, overgeneralization, exaggeration and minimization, personalization, dichotomous thinking, labeling, mind reading, control fallacies, blaming, fallacy of fairness, shoulds, emotional reasoning, fallacy of change, always being right, and heaven’s reward fallacy.
1. Arbitrary Inference
Arbitrary Inference is drawing conclusions from an event or interaction without any supporting evidence.
o Ex: My friend only ate half of the meal that I made for them, they probably hated it, and I must be a terrible cook.
o You don’t know that they hated it or that you are a terrible cook, all you know is that they didn’t finish it all. Perhaps they weren’t hungry or don’t like a particular food that was part of the dish, no matter how you might’ve cooked it.
2. Selective Abstraction
Selective Abstraction happens when one detail is fixated upon without considering the entire situation. The negative detail becomes the main focus and other information is ignored, causing the whole event to be viewed in a negative light. This unconscious filtering of positive details causes unnecessary suffering and sadness.
o Ex: One of my friends didn’t text me on my birthday. I’m a horrible person and they must hate me.
o Alternate thinking: Sometimes people can be forgetful. It is likely that they had a busy day and meant to text you, but simply forgot. Also, that was just one person out of the many that did text you. If you were a horrible person, nobody would be friends with you, let alone wish you a happy birthday. They do not hate you and you are not a horrible person
3. Overgeneralization
Overgeneralization happens when outcomes of a single incident become the assumption for how all other similar experiences will turn out. Separate experiences aren’t viewed as isolated but are seen as general patterns.
o Ex: The person I really like said they don’t want to go on any more dates with me. Why does nothing ever work out for me, I must be unlovable.
o Rejection is one of the most common feelings to get overgeneralized. Just because you get turned down a few times does not mean you are unlovable or hopeless! Everybody has different preferences and tastes, so a few rejections should not correlate to generalized and endless rejections.
4. Exaggeration and Minimization
Another trap we often fall into is overemphasizing the negatives or underemphasizing the positives. In the former, we can feel guilt, responsibility, and shame for things that are out of our control. In the latter, habits develop of viewing personal strengths as insignificant and unimportant.
o Ex (exaggeration): I was so weird and awkward the entirety of dinner last night, I can never see those people again.
o This is a classic example of making a big deal out of something that isn’t. You are the only one who experienced it in the first-person perspective. Everybody else were likely focusing on themselves and didn’t even notice the things that you are so fixated upon.
5. Personalization
Personalization is when someone takes external events as a direct and personal attack to themselves. They take everything personally, and also blame themselves for things out of their control. These people also tend to compare themselves to others very frequently, always internally deciding who is smarter and more attractive, etc.
o Ex: My partner cheated on me. If I would’ve put in more effort and been kinder or more attractive, then this wouldn’t have happened.
o You cannot blame yourself for the actions of others carry the weight that is a result of the choices that they made.
6. Dichotomous Thinking
This type of thinking is black and white, or all or nothing, and puts events in one of these mutually exclusive categories. It is the basis of perfectionism because it induces a fear of failure and a false belief that every mistake is character defining.
o Ex: I turned in a project at work that my boss didn’t like and had a lot of critiques for. I am a failure and horrible at my job.
o The fact is that you didn’t succeed as much as you wanted to, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not a qualified and successful individual. You cannot expect to get everything perfect all the time, and situations like these provide an opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow!
7. Labeling
Labeling is when we make an overall judgement about ourselves or another person and reduce an individual into a single and usually negative descriptor. Labeling can be damaging to our own self esteem or cause us to misunderstand or underestimate other people.
o Ex: Someone started backing up when I was standing behind their car, what a complete idiot, they tried to run me over!
o This is an extremely exaggerated interpretation of the situation. A more realistic interpretation is that the person simply made a mistake and didn’t see you standing there.
8. Mind ReadingMind reading is assuming we know what another person is thinking without any evidence. Empathy is being able to perceive and understand what someone is feeling or thinking, but this stems from having more objective evidence. Mind reading often draws conclusions that confirm our own opinions or biases. If we dive too deep into these predictions, we can make mistakes about what other people think of us, which can be detrimental to our mood.
o Ex: I saw a stranger look at me weirdly today, they must’ve been thinking something really negative.
o There are endless amounts of explanations for a stranger’s expression, none of which we know for certain because we don’t know them. It is harmful to yourself to interpret something to subjective in this negative way.
9. Control Fallacies
Control fallacies can have two extremes: feeling externally controlled or internally controlled. External control distortions cause us to feel like victims in every situation, whereas internal control distortions incorrectly make us responsible for the feelings of everybody in our lives.
o Ex of external: I can’t help it that I’m late every day, there’s always traffic on my way to work!”
o Ex of internal: “Why aren’t you in a good mood today? Did I do something to upset you?
o In the example of external, although traffic is out of your control, the time in which you wake up and leave for work is, and those are things that you must take responsibility for. For the internal example, we cannot assume blame for every external feeling, doing so hurts us and the people close to us.
10. Blaming
When we put the responsibility of our feelings onto other people, we are engaging in blaming. We have control over our own feelings, perceptions, and reactions to things, and it is unfair to push that blame onto others.
o Ex: “Why do you always make me feel bad about myself?”o While it is fair to point out if someone has said something hurtful, nobody can “make” us feel anything. We must take responsibility for the way that we react to things in order to communicate and resolve problems in a healthy way.
11. Fallacy of Fairness
We all have ideas in our heads of things that are fair or just, and things that aren’t. This becomes a distortion, though, when we are resentful about situations that we feel aren’t fair and where others don’t agree with us.
o This fallacy is often expressed through assumptions of what we believe to be right, such as “if he really loved me, he would come home straight after work and help with the dishes.”
o These derive from situations that we see on TV, social media, or in other people’s lives. Measuring fairness in terms of things we think we deserve in every situation will only lead to anger and resentment. Life isn’t fair, and we cannot expect it to always be so.
12. Shoulds
Should statements manifest as a list of necessary actions or feelings of how people should live. If we, or someone else, breaks these rules, we get angry and frustrated towards others or feel guilty and shameful about our own lifestyles.
o Ex: “You know, you should try and get a real job instead of just sitting around doing nothing all day”
o When we create expectations of how others should live and push those expectations onto them, they will feel angry and resentful. This can often create a sense that they are being punished before they have even done anything.
13. Emotional Reasoning
This is a distortion where we put too much trust in our immediate emotional reactions to thing. Whatever emotional reaction we have is believed to be fully and unconditionally true. It inhibits any rational or logical thinking and causes us to see the world in a negative light because that’s what our emotions tell us.
o Ex: “I feel overwhelmed and hopeless, so my problems must be impossible to solve”
o Those feelings of stress and despair are normal cycles of emotions, but they are not at all absolute truths about your situation.
14. Fallacy of Change
In this distortion, people expect others to change and cater to exactly what their needs are because their happiness relies largely on this other person. It is common in relationships where thinking that changing a few small things about the other person will make them and your relationship perfectly happy in every way.
o Ex: If my partner improved their appearance and manners then I would be so much happier.
o The second that we think “well if someone else changes” this or that, we have no power left for ourselves. It gives all power to someone else, something that is very detrimental to our happiness and self-esteem in the long run. We need to find that for ourselves instead of projecting it onto other people!
15. Always Being Right
This distortion is pretty self-explanatory and is so detrimental to healthy communication. People who think in this manner are constantly testing the opinions of others to prove that they themselves are unconditionally right. They will go to any lengths to demonstrate this.
o Ex: “I don’t care that I hurt your feelings when we were arguing because you were wrong, and I had to make you see that”
o This person values their own correctness over the feelings of anybody else which will tear apart relationships and communication.
16. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy
This last distortion is based in the idea that one’s sacrifice will eventually bring them reward. They are likely to be bitter when they are not awarded good things simply for giving up a certain amount and will feel frustrated and cheated by the world.
o Ex: Someone works at a new company and takes on all of the tasks, requests, and extra shifts people need them to cover. Others depended on them, and he believed that he would be rewarded in return. They got very upset when they weren’t given time off, when in reality they hadn’t even correctly filled out the correct leave forms.
o The world doesn’t grant undeserved wishes to those who self-sacrifice, even if they do deserve it, and we cannot expect this or else we will be left feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. -
1. Identify the distorted thought
The first step to any sort of change is being aware. Once you can identify the distortion plaguing your mind, you’ll be able to address it. If you notice yourself worrying, feeling anxious, or down on yourself, think about why that is and see if it aligns with any of the common distortions.
2. Look at the surrounding evidence
Okay so you’re now aware of your distorted thought, but it still negatively impacts you. Instead of taking your feelings as truth, look at the evidence surrounding your belief. Is it a fact or an opinion?
Let’s say you failed a test. You think to yourself, “I failed, I’m a failure”. But are you really? You did fail the test that is a fact, but you are not a failure because that is an opinion. Opinions are not facts, you are not a failure.
3. Treat yourself like you would treat a loved one
When a loved one makes a mistake do you define them by it, or do you offer sympathy and compassion? Do you give yourself the same treatment when you mess up, or are you a lot harsher? Negative self talk will only push you further down the rabbit hole of distortion. If someone you cared about made a mistake you wouldn’t call them names and put them down. You would be understanding and empathetic. Everyone makes mistakes or fails sometimes, it’s all apart of being human. What makes you the exception? You, just like anyone else, are allowed to mess up…so treat yourself kindly, you deserve it.
4. The world is a grey area
Black-and-white thinking distorts your worldview. If you attempt to put things into absolute categories you won’t be able to succeed. Bring the two polar sides together into a more rational whole. Watch for words that polarize your thoughts such as: never, always, every, etc.. Understand that you can’t know everything, and that’s okay. If you expect yourself to know everything you’re just going to cause yourself unneeded distress. Look for a middle ground, it’s closer than you think.
5. No more SHOULDS
If notice yourself saying phrases like “I should do ____”, or “they should be doing ___” stop right there. This is adding unnecessary pressure to your daily functioning and task completion. If you aren’t doing what you “should” be doing you’re going to be upset with yourself and actually have a harder time completing the task. You’re giving yourself and others unreasonable expectations that breeds resentment. Try rephrasing these thoughts into something like: “It would be nice if I did ____”, or “wouldn’t it be helpful if I _____”. Don’t let the shoulds of life tell you what to do, you decide what you want to do.
6. Make a Cost-Benefit Analysis
Look at the behaviors you tend to preform the most and the feelings surrounding them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of preforming each behavior? If you’re afraid to confront someone about an issue you’re having you might avoid talking to them altogether. The benefit in this case is that you don’t have to deal with the conflict, and have less anxiety. The cost however is that the issue never gets solved and could create problem in the future, which might even cause you more anxiety/distress. So from this analysis the best thing you could do for yourself in the long run is to discuss the problem and work towards a solution. It might feel uncomfortable or distressing in the moment, but going outside of your comfort zone is the best way to grow.
7. Re-Attribution
You are not the center of the universe…and that’s a good thing. If everything fell onto your shoulders you’d be crushed! Blaming yourself for all kinds of various outcomes and decisions isn’t fair to you. Instead of assuming all this unnecessary responsibility try looking for external forces that exert influence on the decisions being made and the results that emerge. If you’re late to a meeting or appointment because of unforeseen heavy traffic from an accident it doesn’t mean you’re disrespectful and irresponsible, sometimes things are out of your control and it’s important to understand that. Do what you can, and that will be enough. It is not entirely your fault and thinking it is is harmful.
8. Test your beliefs and ask for advice
If you have a belief about something, check its validity. If you believe that no one cares about you, text a friend or loved one and see if that’s accurate. You could even express to them how much they mean to you, if they’re thankful and/or reciprocate the message you know that they care. If you’re unsure on the accuracy of a belief or action, you can reach out and ask other people what they would do or think in your situation. Sometimes even just knowing that someone else would struggle in the same way helps validate how you’re feeling. When you notice yourself being stuck in your own head, do what you can to get out of it…you might be able to find a way to feel better. -
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